Accept, Acknowledge, Forgive, Embrace

I have been working hard taking care of this little girl inside of me. Here are the things I would like to tell this little girl.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the questions. I’m sorry for your tears. I’m sorry for your sorrow, that lasted all those years.

I’m sorry, for you missed so much, so much you didn’t know. I’m sorry that you lost your youth, when you were forced to grow.

I’m sorry for the darkness, I’m sorry for the plight. I’m sorry for the nightmares, each and every night.

I’m sorry for their laughter, mocking your beautiful song. I’m sorry that they couldn’t just sing along.

I’m sorry for their cheering, every time you fell. I’m sorry for this story that you have to tell.

I’m sorry for your reflection, that never smiled back. I’m sorry for the sadness you carry on your back.

I’m sorry you miss your family. They are searching for you now. I’m sorry they can’t come get you. They would if they knew how.

I’m sorry you were beaten. I’m sorry that you bled. I’m sorry that they hit you, hard upside the head.

I’m sorry that they watched you, waiting for you to fall. I’m sorry that you felt that you never had anyone at all.

I’m sorry that they held you back, when you were determined to fly. I’m sorry there were no answers when you questioned “why”.

I’m sorry for your heartbreak, and that they stole your soul. I’m sorry that when you told someone, they threw you in a hole.

I’m sorry you are driving, looking for your death. I’m sorry you can’t call me, and that you have no breath.

I’m sorry that he raped you, that evil evil monster. I’m sorry that you can’t just scream and tell him “don’t come closer!”

I’m sorry that they call you a whore, and put you down each day. I’m sorry that you believe them, in each and every way.

I’m sorry that you hurt yourself, when no one else is watching. I’m sorry that you do not know, that leaving is an option.

I’m sorry for your guilt, a cross you need not bear. I’m sorry that you always felt, that you couldn’t be there.

I’m sorry for your anger. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for your sadness, I’m sorry for your cost.

I’m sorry you are poor. I’m sorry you are weary. I’m sorry you can never cry, you don’t even get teary.

I’m sorry that you do not know, that better days are ahead. I’m sorry that you think that you would be better off dead.

I’m sorry you can’t see the future, but then again I’m not. I’m sorry that they hurt you an awful awful lot.

I’m sorry that you lost your babies, too early to know why. I’m sorry that you never heard, the softness of their cry.

I’m sorry for memories, I’m sorry for them none. I’m sorry that you do not know, your work is not yet done.

I’m sorry for it all.

For those who made it through to the end. For my family, for my friends, and for myself. I want you to know this one thing:

I forgive you.

~E

I choose life, I choose love, I choose to embrace, I choose to open my arms wide and fly.

8 thoughts on “Accept, Acknowledge, Forgive, Embrace

  1. Erica, your piece could be an anthem for many who lost their childhoods. You have spoken their trauma and given it value and beauty in the work of reclamation. Keep writing, here or elsewhere and keep following the path into your health and happiness. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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