I have been thinking a lot about the post last night. A few things of which I would like the reader to be aware. I will say some things that are “edgy” or meant to bring a reaction. These are things to keep the reader hooked and enticed. I wrote last night “I wonder if my parents knew that by putting us in this church, we were being handed over to and raised by criminals.” I got a reaction from this line. Which is kind of what I wanted. Maybe that is the evil part of me. When you get a reaction, you get attention, and also hopefully make the reader think. How many situations do we unknowingly put ourselves into without realizing at first that the situation is terrible? Of course my parents didn’t know!
If you are a parent or even someone who interacts with children at all, I would like you to think about something: are you encouraging or discouraging? For example, hand a child a hot dog. They say “it’s too hot!” You feel it, and it feels fine to you. You say “it’s not hot it’s fine” what did you do there? Unknowingly discounted the child’s feeling or opinion. Now let’s say the child gets a little older. Someone in a position of authority does something questionable to a child. Feeling that they don’t like it, they question themselves. Adults are always right. “The hot dog wasn’t hot” “that was love not molestation” “they only hit me because I deserve it”. You see where I’m going here?
The purpose of my writing, there are many purposes. 1) I would like my extended family to know what I went through.
2) Writing is helping me process. Now I have been going to counseling for a few years, I can honestly look back and reflect somewhat objectively on that part of my life.
3) The things I have gone through have helped to shape my identity. I am embracing it and would like to share with whomever will read.
4) I want to have a point of reference. In conversation, it may come up that I was raised in a cult. The conversation is never short after that. So many questions. I would like to be able to tell friends “Here is my blog, when you read this then it will explain a lot of things”
Thank you all for reading! I will post another story this evening.
2 thoughts on “Reflecting on “Why? 1990””
I hope my response didn’t come off as anything other that what it was meant: Finally, a chance to speak out, as a Mother who placed her sons in a situation that had disastrous effects. I can only empathize with other parents in the same situation, yours included.
It’s just that…. No one ever asked before!! I’ve had some very, very good therapists over the years. They’ve asked a multitude of questions but never did they ask if I had any idea up front or how I grapple with the guilt as a result… As a Mother…. Not just from the perspective of how it all affected me, specifically.
I’ve given symposiums on Parental Alienation Syndrome. Even then, the part about a parent’s guilt or sense of responsibility or how often you find yourself defending yourself to new people coming into your life, was never broached. Not once.
My hope was to respond, rather than react and I apologize if I projected that in any way, especially where your parents are concerned. I know them. They are kind, open and loving people, who love their children to distraction. I honor that when they came back into the clear, they were able to get out with their family intact, a nearly unheard of scenario. I have so, so much respect and awe for that.
Always with the greatest Respect,
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I welcome and appreciate everything you say! It is valuable. You were not the only one to respond. Maybe my word “reaction” was unwarranted. I am so grateful for my family to be together now. And I think my question was very bold. Your response was perfect. As always. I hope in my blog that I can encourage others like you to speak up. We are not alone. That is a valid point to be made.
Much much love to you,